When I Suddenly Realize...

I'd be in my senior year in 4 months' time!
I recall the happy times back in Chung Ling when I then was told TCU was a university different from others - "emphasizing humanity in pursuit of academic excellence" I say. And I was hoping it would be different.
I recall being a freshman, then still 80kg (whoa!), naive and ignorant to a life in university. I recall missing out on so much fun because in medical school, the ONLY time you have fun is during your freshman year.
I recall being seemingly so busy at sophomore year - choir, SCOPE (still remember what it is?), and many other wallahs. I made many friends, lost some, and turned out fine at the end of the day. And the month of July spent in France would be the one I'd remember till I'm 75, if I'm still alive then. There was a time, when young, powerful souls like yours sincerely believed everything would if your will is strong enough.
Then comes junior year - the endless days and nights spent in Anatomy Hall, with friends, with textbooks, and with a teacher who never talks. Even though at times fatigue crushes down, showing as shoulder aches, headaches, anaphylactic allergic reactions and simply dozing off anytime, it was a happy semester. It was a dedicated, karmic, and well-planned semester of lessons and labs.
Unlike what we're having now - chaos in lesson planning, "we'll try this for once" attitude and an ineffective evaluation again and again.

I've lost faith in school since my sophomore year, when inefficient management plagued a compassion-dominated environment - "he lost your cheque? Well, he's too busy, give him another chance." When we witnessed the leaving of dedicated and ambitious teachers to more promising places, because what the school promised and what it fulfilled wasn't barely an equation at all. We see with our own eyes how little school staff are paid for their massive work, and how massive amounts of money are poured into landscaping and gardening.
I have also lost hope of pursing both humanity and professional skills - while the ultimate goal of medicine is to have both integrated, how Tzu Chi does it still yearns for more improvement. Current medical school and hospital environments dictates for professionalism or getting the sack, and we have to compromise. I am no longer naive but I vow never to lose the primary passion - to make a difference, with a smile, a small gesture or an offering of tissue paper, whenever such circumstances arises.
And I'm 4 months away from sophomore year! One year away from donning the white robe, and giving out orders and prescriptions. I am glad I have many role models to follow, and my path had been laid well in front of me, recession-proof, stable income. My upbringing instilled upon me that I would never settle for second best. And with the end of my junior year, I pray hardly to the Almighty that TCU will remain strong and competitive, and equates all the inequilities in the world with what started it - great love and selflessness.