Dec 30, 2007

I Race With Time

I race with time.
I intend to fill every minute, every moment in my life
with occasion, events, and happenings
that flares and brightens up
every second of my life.

I race with time.
Looking for every available moment
to 'do something'
for 'doing nothing' is
a waste of time
a waste of life.
I race with time
to accomplish, to fulfill expectations
from myself and others,
to solidify that I am reliable, responsible, and respectable.

I race with time
even though I have no time
for myself and others.
I weave through crowds,
skim through textbooks,
gobble down meals,
to be at some other place, at some other time,
and to be at another place, at another time.

I race with time;
grasping to every minute,
absorbing everything I can, but
what do I possess
at the end?

I race with time
to find deadlines over
to find expectations failed
to find things not perfected.
I negotiate, I tolerate, I beg;
yet at the end of the day
I leave scars.
And I kept racing with time.

I race with time,
realizing only now that I do not have
the ability to run
as speedily as I expected;
I race with time,
getting more and more tired,
and I still race with time.
So finally I regurgitate everything I absorbed along the way,
and become the floating character
in everybody's eyes.
And I would still be racing with time.

Dec 23, 2007

Expectations

Since we're born, we are automatically engaged in a constant race with expectation. Expectations - you're expected to be able to count from 1 to 10 at 2-years old, expected to converse in complete sentences at 2.5 years, expected to know fundamental arithmetic at 4 etc. We are never spared from expectations till the end of our life. We have to fulfill the constant stream of expectations from parents, teachers, friends, seniors, classmates, and even juniors.
Then comes the secondary question - does failing to fulfill an expectation render you incompetent? Or does the ability to meet expectations made you Mr. Perfect? Depending on the situation we may choose to fulfill or break expectations instilled upon us. There will also be incidences when we break others' expectations by accident.
Thinking back, I have been an extremely lucky person - I have not experienced any life-threatening episodes, nor anyone I dearly love around me had passed away leaving things unsettled. I have, up till this very moment, managed to meet almost all important expectations - getting into medical school, being a good student, being a responsible president, being a trusted exchange officer. I thank God for all I have and all the trust others instill upon me, and I sincerely hope I will not let others down.
The human history had had more than enough evidence to proof that humans have a tendency to slack. While it is all right for me to slack away for a day or two, the world will never hold on to wait for you. In an organization it is hence important that there will always be the leading person piloting the way for everyone. While the president is the definite candidate for that, do please remember that there will be a day when he needs a break.
It might be my fault not providing enough training opportunities for my subordinates and co-workers, but their recent, and persisting absence from practice is taking on my nerves. To me, I will do my best whenever I made a promise. I promise I'll take leadership of this and I will keep this alive, but there will be days when I need a break, and I will appreciate it if you take my position momentarily.
Speaking of keeping promises and meeting expectations I was no perfect either. I was supposed to contact our university course mates for a dinner-meeting this weekend, but due to many unforeseen circumstances including Mum coming to Taipei and the endless choir stuff I had to deal with, making several calls to my course mates (which I meet only once every semester, and they hardly talk to me) went behind my mind.
As a result, when I contacted my senior she was totally in fumes. What else could I do but to hold the phone far away from the ear and endure her babbling on how untrustworthy young people are nowadays. I was deeply sorry for my irresponsibility, and I knew where went wrong - I was too slack. It would have been a difference if I just picked up my phone and dialed before Thursday evening. My fault.
Right now there's a big geek discussing pointless exchange application procedures in my room. I expect him to get clear out of my room right at this moment, but how many times in our lives are expectations met?

Dec 18, 2007

Nineteen

A year after another, time ticks away like water flowing down the gutter.
Nineteen - a number between teenage and adulthood;
undefined by proportion, unillustrated by figure,
uncompromising, unforgiving.
Changes sweeping through life.

Change
for the better
for the worse;
change is refreshing and cool,
and revolutionary and clueless.
Learning to abolish
to adopt, to overhaul, to rewire,
to reinforce, to be reinforced and to be needed;
come responsibilities with glory.

I thank the Almighty everyday
for every chance to perform
to accredit and to be accredited
to appreciate and to be appreciated;
I am a dwarf looking up on giants -
teachers and seniors;
but I keep my nose up
towards pessimism, nepotism and absolutism;
and tear for righteousness and humanity.

Unmoved
Unchanged by time
for I am what I am.
Forgive our trespasses
and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil;
for I will not compromise truth and honor,
bend principles and topple balances.

Time sculpts everyone
and expose flaws
and we are not perfect.
Nineteen has opened my eyes to
the subtle human relationship
the importance of unity
and the joy of familiarity
3000 miles away from home.
Masquerading as a native,
but bearing my entity proudly, for the rest of my life.
I am Malaysian, I am Chung Ling, I am Penang.

Dec 13, 2007

Another Christmas

It's time for arousing the Christmas mood now. I am not Christian, but Christmas means a lot to me, largely due to my babysitter. My babysitter's family have a tradition of exchanging Christmas presents, and every Christmas I'll be allowed to stay at their house just to have the opportunity to unwrap mine at 12 midnight, and to see whether Santa Clause can really crawl down from the roof 3 stories above.
There is not one year I can't remember not celebrating Christmas, whether it be watching NTV7 at home or feasting with my babysitter. As I grew older the tradition of getting together seem to fade away, but the feeling was always there. Celebrating Christmas in Italy on 2005 allowed me the opportunity to really sample the true meaning of Christmas - getting together.
Now abroad for 2 years, I hunt for Christmas carols in hope to fill the void created by not acknowledging Christmas. To me Christmas carols convenes the mood and atmosphere most appropriately, and Josh Groban's release of the album 'Noel' this year further sparkles the mood. Of all the songs the one I like most has to be 'Petit Papa Noel'.
Herewith attached two samples, Josh's and an older version sang by Tino Rossi.

A French carol with touching lyrics. Pay attention to the voice.


Lyrics:
C'est la belle nuit de Noël
La neige étend son manteau blanc
Et les yeux levés vers le ciel
À genoux, les petits enfants
Avant de fermer les paupières
Font une dernière prière.

It's a beautiful Christmas night
Snow spreads its white coat
And eyes lift toward the sky
On their knees, small children
Before closing their eyes
Say a last prayer.


Petit papa Noël
Quand tu descendras du ciel
Avec des jouets par milliers
N'oublie pas mon petit soulier.
Mais avant de partir
Il faudra bien te couvrir
Dehors tu vas avoir si froid
C'est un peu à cause de moi.

Little Santa Claus
When you come down from the sky
With thousands of toys
Don't forget my little stocking.
But before you leave
You should dress well
Outside you will be so cold
And it's kind of my fault.


Le marchand de sable est passé
Les enfants vont faire dodo
Et tu vas pouvoir commencer
Avec ta hotte sur le dos
Au son des cloches des églises
Ta distribution de surprises.

The sandman has passed
The children are going to sleep
And you will be able to begin,
With your sack on your back,
To the sound of church bells,
Your distribution of surprises.


Il me tarde que le jour se lève
Pour voir si tu m'as apporté
Tous les beaux joujoux que je vois en rêve
Et que je t'ai commandés.

I can't wait for sunrise
To see if you brought me
All the lovely toys that I see in my dreams
And that I ordered from you.


Et quand tu seras sur ton beau nuage
Viens d'abord sur notre maison
Je n'ai pas été tous les jours très sage
Mais j'en demande pardon.

And when you are on your beautiful cloud
Come first to our house
I wasn't always very good
But I ask for your forgiveness.


Hopes this Christmas brings peace and happiness to all deserving people. And may God forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil (excerpt from Lord's Prayer).
Merry Christmas, Joyeux Noel, Feliz Navidad and Buon Natale. Hope everyone has a good one.

Dec 9, 2007

Miharasi

We never realize how lucky we are until we see the distress of others. To acknowledge and alleviate health education and sanitation conditions in the rural areas, the medical school organizes 4 education and health-promotion day-tour to Jian Qing Elementary School this semester. I took part in the second tour, which took place on 8th of December, primarily because my friend told me it would be fun, and secondly because they're severely short of people.
Preparations began a week before, but I was lucky to have selected a storytelling program, which was almost labor-free, and my angelic partner wrote most the scripts for me. I just scanned the illustrations in the 15-page storybook and made it into nice Powerpoint presentations.
On 8th of December all participants woke up at 6 (me at 5.46). Sleep-induced and cold, we transported everything we need onto the bus and off we go. It's difficult to imagine when you say 'rural' in Hualien (which is the most rural state in Taiwan), it's still an hour's drive from Hualien town. And as I expected, the school is located in a small alley surrounded by hills. The school would be the only concrete building in a radius of probably 1km. It faces a wide, undisturbed eye's view of paddy field backed by statues of mountains.
After unloading all cargo, we started preparing the day's activities. We would start with a dance (which I hardly learned the day before), followed by the teacher's 'disciplinary talk'.
Breakfast ensued, and the children were already starting to misbehave themselves. Spilling milk on the stairs, leaving crumbs everywhere from the ceiling to the washrooms, and doing all the following except eating breakfast: run about the classroom throwing everything in sight, sprint and shoe-slide, accelerate and jump on you, shouting 'why is he sitting at MY chair?'
Gobbling down by bun and tea I quickly set up my computer and LCD projector for my storytelling session. We would be telling a deviate story of 'Noah's Ark'. The story emphasizes unity and tolerance, which, as my senior says, important to them little kids because they are fighting 20 hours out of 24 hours a day.
See how those little kids paid attention to me? Do not be fooled. This is just a fragment of a second when they're periodically attracted by the elephant falling off the ark. Most of the time they are busy shouting at each other or reading out the words on the screen so loud your voice can hardly be heard even after amplification by a microphone (note the little black gadget on my waist).
If breakfast was chaotic, then lunch was end-of the world. It was then that I realize rural kids ARE different from urban kids. While in the eyes of a student of SJK(C) Union the teacher is still to be feared, because she will call up your parents and you'll be grounded for the rest of your life, in the eyes of students of Jian Qing Elementary School they solve everything themselves - argue, shout, fight, pinch, threaten etc.
It was my turn taking care of 10 schoolchildren in the afternoon. In the next 3 hours I would be constantly throwing myself in between 2 troublemakers who fight at the slightest provocation, and dragging a handful of children unwilling to leave once the bell rings. I was tired, but I was happy observing little children.
It was then that I noticed something different in them - unlike most urban schoolchildren, who gets the best of everything, they are deprived in all visible ways. They're skinny, and they have flaky skin, an obvious sign of Vitamin C deficiency. To top it up, they have weird tumor-like growths on their skin. I shifted my sight and I saw my own arms - smooth, slightly muscular, and shiny. I have on myself clean clothes, and they even smell of 'morning dew' because I added conditioner in the wash. Their clothes are mostly dirt-stained (partly due to the falls and slides they induce all day), and one boy even have a large hole in his jeans. Their faces are smudged, and you'd faint if you really take a long good look at their fingernails.
We do not realize how lucky we are.
It was then that I realize the day I spent here has not been in vain. I had taught them how important it is to respect, tolerate and accept others through a story (though I doubt how long they will remember it). I had contributed something today. I know then too that I must take part in the 3rd tour, on 29th of December. I have so much that I could give.
We went back to school at 5.10pm, exhausted and happy. The happiness comes from a contentment of contributing to others, from providing unselfish service.

Dec 5, 2007

One And Only

We all know things are a little unsettling back at home for the past few weeks. Whether or not it is due to the forthcoming elections or democracy realization in Malaysia had finally achieved world-class status, it is always disheartening for any Malaysian to see his / her homeland stained with riots, more that of racial riots.
I know it is a little late for thanksgiving now, but if we just had one minute to recapture our feelings before expressing them in volcanic magnitudes, think - where else in the world do you find another Malaysia?
Where else in any other place on Earth can you find Char Koay Teow, Sate, and Tandoori Chicken all housed under one roof? And their patrons all dining with the highest skills learned from their native friends?
Where else in the world allows you to listen to radio stations with Chinese, English, Malay, Tamil and Hindu all at once (that is, if you have 5 radios, turned on all at once)?
Where else can you celebrate Deeparaya, Kong Xi Raya, Merry Raya (do include all other combinations you can think of)? And enjoy so many public holidays people call us lazy?
Where else in the world can you speak Manglish and get understood by others?

We have been brought up all these while to appreciate the beauty and culture of others, but what I think lacks most now is to let everybody to see 'the big picture'. Malaysia is priceless - whether by accident or fate, the culture pot that melts everyone in can only do so once, because nobody knew the proportions. Somehow, in the process of integration, our food got mixed up, our language unified (Manglish) and we are all so much different yet similar in other aspects. Rewind history, and Malaysia would not be the same anymore, never.
We do not deny that there are obvious inequality in our government system and civil services, and that we have so much potential to outshine many other countries in terms of economic development and human resources if and only if the government stop protecting and start sharing. We have the richest natural resources and we have good schools, and we have the money to make more money, to share.
I am always proud as a Malaysian how our country had never had protests or riots since the May 13 incident. However, the news struck me as unbelievable when it got on BBC Online. On another perspective I am glad at how Malaysia had progressed in democratic rights - that every citizen of their native land have the right to express dissatisfaction over the government, but on the other hand I am saddened by how blindly we seem to follow others' path.
While we have learned the right way to exercise our rights, let's never forget our way of doing things. We were a British colony. Brought up in the fine Englishmen air, we never express unhappiness openly (or in Chinese, tear your face) in front of others. We do things quietly, with dignity, and still effectively. Being a multi-racial country it is only wise for us to follow this model. We cannot afford to scar or taint the feeling of others, majority or minority. Let's keep Malaysia flawless.
The battle ahead will be hard and long, but I am confident there still is hope. Hope for equality, and hope for a flawless Malaysia. There will only be one Malaysia in the course of history. Please let's keep it.